by Philip Holder PhD.
Medical Coordinator – BodySmart Wellness
Grandmaster – North American Wing Chun Association
From copyrighted material. Copyright Philip Holder 2017
Grandmaster, North American Wing Chun Association


What someone expects to happen usually does happen. That’s why I don’t tolerate “Victim Mentality” in my therapy room, my classes, or for that matter in my personal life. Victim mentality has no redeeming qualities. Why do some people choose to be victims? It’s because being a victim is easy. It does not require taking responsibility for your life and/or behavior, or taking action in your life. Being a victim implies that the person is at the mercy of forces beyond their control. The cause of every unpleasant thing they experience has been done to them, not by them through their own choices. If someone expects their life to be crappy, it likely will be. It becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. As well, human nature, more often than not, includes the need to be right. If someone chooses laziness instead of taking responsibility and action in their life, at the end of the day, they’ll get what they expected to get and from that result, they get the pleasure of saying, “See, I was right. My life stinks”.


If someone’s mindset is one of looking for problems, they will spend a lifetime immersed in problems. Problems are easy to find. In fact they will often find you. Victims usually spend their life complaining about one problem or another. No matter how many and various problems they have, however, there is one common denominator… the person him or herself.

Solutions require taking both responsibility for and action in your life. It takes effort. It requires honestly acknowledging your own part in any challenge and then taking the action step(s) to solve the challenge. A great sense of pride and the satisfaction in knowing that you have become a little stronger, wiser and more capable through the process, are rewards obtained from creating solutions to the daily challenges of life.


I’m sure even the most pessimistic person can find something in their life to be thankful for if they look hard enough. No matter how rough of a day, I never lose sight of how lucky I am to have a gorgeous, intelligent, incredible wife, five healthy wonderful kids, our dog Dexter that brings a smile to my face multiple times a day, a career that I love, my health, a roof over my head, food in my stomach, a 93 year old mother who is still in good health, students that I in fact learn from that are a source of joy to me, and much more. In our culture, people get upset when their cell phone malfunctions or their favorite TV show goes off the air. In many other countries, people wake up hoping they will have food that day or if someone might cut their head off. My best friend (my spiritual brother) of 40 plus years lost his wife about 10 years ago. He said that loss put all in perspective for him. After the loss of his beloved wife, nothing else seems like a big deal. The fact is, most of the things people get upset about each week will have no major impact on the outcome of their life.


If you waste money you can make more money. If you waste material things, you can buy more things. If you waste time, it’s gone forever. That’s why it’s so very important to create solutions rather than dwell on problems and have an attitude of gratitude for what we have rather than agonizing over what we do not have. Your life is nothing but a chain of moments. Make each moment one of happiness and gratitude and you will assure yourself a happy meaningful life.

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